The Myth of Authenticity: Is ‘Being Yourself’ Always the Answer?

If there’s one mantra that’s echoed through TED Talks, self-help books, and the collective sighs of exhausted therapists trying to make their patients understand, it’s: “Just be yourself.”

The world loves authenticity — or does it? Like most advice that fits on a coffee mug, the notion of “being yourself” often withers when exposed to real life’s awkward daylight.

Let’s peel back this shiny wrapper, see what’s inside, and ask—Is “being yourself” always the answer? Or does the concept stumble, and steer us off course?

The call to authenticity isn’t new. Ancient philosophers, occasionally prone to long winded monologues, got there first. Socrates famously quipped, “Know thyself,” which may just be the original philosophical meme. Shakespeare—always in the business of complicated truths—had one of his characters declare, “To thine own self be true.” Fast forward a few centuries, and you have everyone from leading talk-show hosts to Instagram influencers echoing the sentiment, with a little more swag and a lot more annoying hashtags.

Be Yourself !?!

Authenticity as a virtue didn’t always have the same flavour. In earlier societies, “self” wasn’t the focus — duty to family, tribe, or faith took top billing. The individual was expected to blend in, not stick out. Being “yourself” might have instead meant trouble. It’s only in recent times, with the rise of individualism, that we put the solitary self on a pedestal—quirks, flaws, and all.

Cut to today’s day and age - authenticity sells. It’s on every brand’s mission statement. Your juice is “crafted by hand, never from concentrate,” your favourite podcast host is “unfiltered,” and workplaces want “authentic leaders” who bring their “real selves” to the Zoom call.

Why the sudden change and obsession? For one, we’re all a little weary of the fake — picture-perfect lives we saw of celebrities for the past few decades, the flowery positivity, the LinkedIn brags. In a digital culture rife with curation, “authenticity” is kinda our rebellion against all things manufactured.

Everyone wants the real you, as long as that ‘you,’ fits in. If your most authentic self is, awkward in meetings or allergic to small talk, you might find yourself yearning for the user manual where “be yourself” also means “please be palatable.”

Advice like “be yourself” presumes we can define “yourself” as something fixed and knowable. But the self is more of a Rubik’s Cube than portrait painting.

Who you are at home differs dramatically from the meeting-ready version presented in open-plan offices, who you are on first dates, has no resemblance to you at family gatherings, let alone bear any correlation to who you are with your core group of friends!

Think back to being a kid or even a teenager — there was never a time of less certainty about who “yourself” really was? Those years were characterised by borrowed styles: listening to a band because your friend liked them, adopting a slang word because the cool kids said it. Authentic? Or just testing out identities like clothes or shoes?

Even in adulthood, “selves” multiply. The person you are singing in the car is not the one sweating over a performance review. Sometimes “being yourself” means choosing which of your many selves to let out in the wild today.

It sounds harsh, but sometimes “being yourself” is just utter, plain terrible advice. Some parts of ourselves — envy, anger, laziness, the part that wants to eat cake for breakfast and never apologizes—are better left in the archives.

 “The beauty of humanity is found not in rigid authenticity, but in our capacity to adapt, connect, and grow.”

Authenticity, without self-reflection or context, can tilt into rudeness, oversharing, or the insistence that the world bend to our quirks as a virtue.

The world is full of people whose “authentic” selves were shaped by trauma, oppression, or circumstances they never chose. For many, authenticity isn’t about shouting their truth from a rooftop but managing daily the fragile peace between what’s inside and what the world demands. The “just be yourself” advice assumes a level playing field—it isn’t always safe, possible, or rewarding for everyone.

Authenticity can in fact become another mask, a performance in itself. Social media, in particular, rewards the appearance of vulnerability: “Here’s me, makeup free!” “Here’s my messy kitchen!” Or our personal favourite these days – “woke up like this!” This curated imperfection can feel just as staged as those flawless holiday snaps posted with pinch perfection on Instagram.

The pressure to be “real” — to always have a take, to be transparent, raw, endlessly vulnerable—can itself become exhausting. “Authenticity” stops being about discovery and edges into branding. Suddenly, you’re not just living your story; you’re storytelling it for approval.

From keeping up appearances… to keeping up authentic appearances. Defeats the purpose completely!

On the bright side, despite all these caveats above, there are moments when being yourself actually works. You see it in old friendships—the ones forged in shared weirdness and mutual admission that neither of you has it together. Or in workplaces that truly value dissent and difference, where the ability to question the status quo sparks innovation.

The colleague who admits to being nervous before speaking up. The manager who says “I just don’t know,” instead of bluffing. The friend who doesn’t hide his vulnerabilities and can open up about all the good, the bad and the ugly details of his/her life or the artist whose work comes unapologetically from somewhere deep within his soul!

There are times when embracing who you are, with radical honesty (also - empathy and compassion), opens the door for others to do the same. It’s a kind of social permission, and sometimes, if the room’s right, everyone breathes a little easier.

So, where does this leave us?

If “be yourself” is neither the silver bullet nor always dangerous, how do we thread the needle between authenticity and adaptation?

Maybe the answer lies not in absolute “self-truth” but in attentiveness: a practice of checking in with ourselves. Who am I with these people, in this place, right now? What do I want to share—and what’s best kept just for me? Sometimes honesty is courageous and generative; sometimes, the wisest self is the one that adapts, listens, and learns.

Authenticity isn’t a license to ignore consequences, be callous, or stop growing. It’s a commitment to self-curiosity—a willingness to peel back the layers and decide, again and again, who we’re becoming, and what we want to show the world.

As Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” But remember—Wilde also wore fancy waistcoats and cultivated a public persona as carefully as any influencer today. Kind of what Shah Rukh Khan meant when he said – become rich first and a philosopher later!

Here’s the messy, hopeful truth.

Sometimes “being yourself” means stretching yourself from the person you are - into the person you want to become, even if it feels like acting or pretending in that moment.

Sometimes it’s courageous to speak your mind; sometimes, it’s wise to blend in. Wisdom is in knowing what version of yourself the moment calls for — and honouring both your instincts and your growth.

Don’t buy into the myth that authenticity demands full disclosure or that your “real” self is always your best self. That does nothing but eat away at any form or room for improvement or being your best self!

"Being yourself doesn’t mean revealing everything; sometimes, wisdom means choosing what to share—and what to keep just for you."

The beauty of humanity isn’t in our rigidity, but in our fluidity.

It is in our glorious capability and capacity for change, for contradictions, and yet in more ways than one – in connection.

Be yourself — just not the same self everywhere, all the time. The world will thank you for it and if you choose to be this way after reading this blog – maybe, just maybe, you’ll thank me for it! 😉